Cupcakes for Emily and Jack

Emily loves to bake.

Her specialty is cupcakes.

She made these for our good friend Emily Moran to welcome baby Jack.

They weren't just cute either,

They were delicious!

Good job Emmers.

Ties For Tanner

Tanner is reminded of all the love and support he has at home, each day, as he puts on his tie.

There were so many others that I didn't get pictures of.

Thanks to everyone who came to say farewell to Tanner.

We love you.

Worth the Wait.

It has taken 21 years to get Phillip to do an art project for me.

It was worth the wait.

I love him.

 and I love these!

Now I just need to decide where to hang them.

Random pictures Random thoughts

 I found some random pictures on Tanner's computer that I haven't ever seen. 

 

 He makes me laugh.

Also,

I found some random thoughts on my computer to complete this random post.

Somehow I think I must have borrowed an idea from the world that submissiveness is synonymous with weakness.  Perhaps being submissive to a bully is being weak but submissiveness to the Lord is a different story.  I have struggled lately with wondering if submitting is always the right  thing to do or if we need to cry mercy if what is being asked of us just becomes too much for us.  What I do know for sure, is that is takes a ton of humility to submit, fully, to a situation/calling/trial/sacrifice that seems beyond my ability to tolerate or withstand.

I was teaching seminary today and learned something different than I had planned on.
Here is part of our lesson:
D&C 113 3  if we are humble... then we are promised to be exalted and forgiven of our sins.
(probably because we are more apt to be repentant when we are humble/teachable.)
D&C 113 10  if we are humble... then the Lord will lead us by the hand and give us answers to our prayers.
(probably because we are more apt to pray and seek guidance when we are humble/teachable.)
D&C 113  21-22 if we humble ourselves and abide in His word and hearken (listen and obey) to the voice of His spirit... then we shall have power to open the door of His kingdom unto any nation withersoever we are called.
(probably because God increases our power as He can trust us to obey him after we have been taught.)

our discussion led to this...

Our level of obedience is, in many ways, a measure of our humility.

Obvious yes,  but profound to me nonetheless.

It takes a lot of courage and faith to obey when logically it seems impossible.  But if we obey we are showing God that we are teachable and humble. The opposite of humility is Pride.  Pride leads to apostasy.  Pride makes us think we know better than God.  How dangerous to think that from our limited perspective, we can see all that He can from his eternal perspective.  That should make me think twice before I think of doing something contrary to His counsel.

I am listening too CNN as I type this.  They are reporting on this horrific earthquake in Japan and the subsequent tsunami that is slamming into the coastline, destroying everything in its path without mercy.  I literally just heard Japans leader pleading to it's citizens to NOT judge for themselves what is safe and what is not and to listen closely for direction.   I keep thinking about the helicopter images of the cars on the ground as the tsunami was approaching them.  We sat in horror watching those people in those cars drive directly into their death.  How I wish we could have all shared that perspective with those on the ground below so they could see as wee could see, the danger that lied ahead.   I'm thinking, well isn't that exactly what I am trying to say here.  God is trying to lead us and teach us how to return to Him, but if we are not brave enough to be taught by him, be guided by him, or act upon his counsel, then he can not help us.

I am beginning to see how humility isn't small. it isn't weakness, it isn't blind faith or doormat-like behavior... it's eyes wide open faith, warrior kind of courage, and grit your teeth kind of determination to be obedient to Gods will.   Even when we can't see how, what we are suffering, is for our good.  Humility takes a lot of strength.

Based on these scriptures, the more humble we are the more powerful God makes us.
This has definitely given me something to think about.

Humility IS power.

Especially if "...with God, nothing shall be impossible. Luke 1:37"

Unbelievable

I guess I have always known that raising a boy to serve a mission was sort of a sacrifice on my part.  Oddly enough, I have been so focused of all the sacrifices Tanner has been making to be prepared to go that I hadn't fully considered the sacrifice I was about to make.  It dawned on me the night before he reported to the MTC.  Our hotel room was quiet and dark and everyone was asleep, except me.  I could hear all my kids breathing. I have always loved that sound. It has always been such a comfort to me.  Its the evidence that they are all there.  All accounted for.  All happy.  All safe.  Then it hit me as if I hadn't ever thought of it before... I am giving up my son.  Wait.  What?  This would be the last night, for 2 years, that I would have him with me to see for myself that he is well.  I couldn't believe that I was giving up quite possibly what I treasure most as a mother; my comfort of knowing he is accounted for, happy and safe in the very moment I want to know.  I love this concept of instant comfort with my kids.  This is why they even have cell phones.  I know that no matter where they are or what they are doing I can always always always know they are ok.  Tanner was away at school and even if we didn't talk everyday I would always send him a text at night and make sure he was alright. I would tell him that I love him and he would send me back a note... "Had the best day ever.  I love you mom."  Or something to that effect.  These words would send me right to sleep.  What comfort! What peace!  Well, Sianara sweet comfort!  Sianara sweet peace!  For a few minutes (or hours or maybe it still crosses my mind) I thought, what the heck am I doing?  This is CRAZY.  

I knew I couldn't stay like this or let my kids see me like this. I knew I needed to pull myself together before morning.  I prayed so desperately for peace and for help to somehow get through this next 24 hours in one piece, with some comfort.  I needed to know that Tanner was ok; that he was where he wanted to be and that he would be happy and he would be safe.  The night was soon over and our day began.  Our day was good.  We had lots of time together and took lots of pictures.  I was going through the motions of letting him go but my insides were screaming that this is CRAZY! I could tell Tanner was nervous too.  He was anxious and a little sick to his stomach.  He spoke of his friend Max.  A friend of his from BYUI.  He had entered the mtc about 8 weeks before.  Tanner wondered if he was still there or if he had already left for the mission field since 8 weeks is how long missionaries stay in the MTC when they have to learn a language.  He expressed his desire to see Max and wished, out loud, that he could be with him.  Max was at our home when Tanner opened his mission call and we met him only one other time when Tanner rode home with him over Thanksgiving break.  We knew how much it would mean to him to have such a great friend with him on such a nerve-racking day.  We longed for him to have his desire but knew that this was something he was going to have to brave alone.  We all had a knot in our throats.  We said our goodbyes and drove into the MTC to drop him off at the curb.   There must be thousands of missionaries at the MTC and 500 new missionaries report to the Provo MTC on Wednesdays every half hour depending on their last name.   Tanner's report time was 1 o'clock.  There were markers with numbers on them and we were directed to follow the car in front of us until the line of cars stopped.  Each spot had a missionary assigned to it that would greet the incoming missionary and host them for the afternoon...  meaning take them where they need to go and help them get settled.  Its very random how they get matched up.  There would be no way of knowing where we were going to stop and who Tanner would be with.

If I didn't know before that there is a God 

and that he answers prayers,

I sure know now.   

watch this.

Tanner was so so happy.  He is where he wants to be and even with someone that he loves.  

What comfort!  What peace!

I didn't even cry...

at least not until we got to the exit.

I know that our son is in Heavenly Father's care now.  I am so thankful that he helped us to see that

 in the moment our family needed it most.