Motherhood.

Mom: "Did you borrow my foundation and not put it back?"

Child that will remain nameless:  Busily instant messaging on facebook, "No mom."

Mom: After checking make up drawer for a 3rd time and not finding make up, "Are you sure?"

Child that will remain nameless: Frustrated and annoyed, "Yyyyes Mooom!"

Mom: "Last time I checked my make up did not have legs and couldn't walk on it's own.  Why don't you check your purse and make sure."

Thinking: Was that too much?  Maybe I could have masked my doubtfulness better than that.

Child that will remain nameless: Super frustrated and making heavy sigh sounds, "FINE.  But I KNOW that I... oh... here it is." (Thrusts make up into hand)

This is where one would expect an, "Oops"  Sheepish grin and "sorry mom."  But no, instead, just get a child that storms off mad.

2 minutes later...

Mom: Did you borrow my blush? 

Child that will remain nameless:  "NO MOM!"

Mom:  After checking make up drawer a third time and not finding blush, "Are you sure?" 

Thinking: Didn't this just happen 2 minutes and 15 seconds ago?  I might be losing my mind.

Child that will remain nameless: "I AM SURE!"

Mom: "Will you please check your purse because I can't imagine that it would be somewhere other that where I have kept it every day since I bought it 2 months ago?" 

Thinking: Did that sound sarcastic?  I really am trying to exercise patience here.  Did some of my exasperation slip out?  Keep it together.

Child that will remain nameless: Stomping to purse and annoyed that I am interrupting some serious facebook time and now rifling through her makeup, "I TOLD YOU I WAS SURE!  Um...oh.  HERE!  Thrust blush into hands. Angerly slams bedroom door after exit.

Mom: Deep breath, Reopen door, "Can you just check for my blush brush too while you are looking because I can't find that either?"

Child that will remain nameless: Annoyed beyond words and fully expecting NOT to find it, "YA!" Finds it in her purse and again thrusts it in my hands and slams door.

Mom: Confused, jaw open, and stopped in tracks staring at the back side of a closed door...

Thinking: Why do I feel like I'd prefer to spend the afternoon in a padded cell and straight jacket having food delivered to me through a small shelf in the door?

Mom: Grateful for a moment of clarity re-enter door and say...

"It is not your turn to be upset.

It is not your turn to be rude.

 

It is your turn to be sorry. 

Sorry, that you took your mom's makeup and didn't put it back. 

It is your turn to feel bad. 

Can you please explain to me why YOU have any right to be annoyed and frustrated with ME?"

Child that will remain nameless: "Oh, sorry mom."

She was thinking: I feel bad and embarrassed about forgetting that I took your things but being angry and acting annoyed is how I show it.

Teenagers.

I may need a new white, super tight jacket today and some pads on my walls, it's going to be  a fun one.

I walked by the mirror today and was like

W h a t ?

Are you kidding me?

7 new grey hairs.

At least 7.

I stopped counting and walked away.

Make it stop.

Makes me think of this.

Boo.

But, oops, I am suppose to be thinking about all that I am grateful for right now.  

I am so easily side tracked.

Today,

it's this

No. 3

Spring rain and the hills turning green.  It is so beautiful. 

No. 4

The sweet sound of children playing in the front yard, a bird chirping, a basketball bouncing in the backyard next door, a quite house, and the taping of computer keys.

It is peace full.

No. 5

A child becoming a man.  Right before my eyes.  Each word, on the pages of his letters, is a gift to me.

Grey hair is no big deal.

: /

Life is good.

Photo Booth

I really don't ever want to forget this wacky 17 year old Emily.

I love her.

Thank Full

I read a book this week.  It is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

I think I love to read because it helps me see the world through someone else's eyes.  And in spite of our differences it helps me see how much we are the same.  All children of God. All struggling in some way.

Her message is a good one.  Live with/in thanksgiving daily.  She outlines her journey of that process in her life which began as she watched her little sister die in her mothers arms at a very young age.  She isn't talking about trite things here.  She isn't slapping a principle down and saying, "Here! It's easy! Just do it!"  She tells of her internal conflict and questions of how to find joy in a world of suffering and pain and conflict.  She is a mom (referee), a wife, and she cleans toilets and washes clothes and cooks every. single. day.  There is death, anxiety, and difficulty all around her.  Can there be joy in the mundane?  Can there be peace in the conflict?  Can there be trust in the mystery and uncertainty of what tomorrow holds?

She talks about a challenge she was given to name one thousands gifts. To write them down.  And then subsequently, all that it taught her about God's all encompassing love for his children.  Amazing.  Although at times, her deep poetic way made me a little uncomfortable,  her perspective has a healing power.  

I am starting today.

Some eternal truths to contemplate:

“pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall” (Prov. 16:18)


“Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things” (D&C 59:7)


“In nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments” (D&C 59:21).


“Live in thanksgiving daily” (Alma 34:38).


President Joseph F. Smith proclaimed: “The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life. Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!”


Would it drive out the darkness in my life?

President Gordon B. Hinckley has said, “Where there is appreciation, there is courtesy, there is concern for the rights and property of others. Without it there is arrogance and evil."


“Absence of gratitude is the mark of the narrow, uneducated mind. It bespeaks a lack of knowledge and the ignorance of self-sufficiency. It expresses itself in ugly egotism and frequently in wanton mischief. …"

Elder Joseph B Worthlin said "Gratitude turns a meal into a feast and drudgery into delight. It softens our grief and heightens our pleasure. It turns the simple and common into the memorable and transcendent. It forges bonds of love and fosters loyalty and admiration.

Would my home be more pleasurable and delightful?

"Living in thanksgiving daily is a habit that will enrich our lives and the lives of those we love."-Worthin

But how do I make this part of who I am?

Robert Louis Stevenson wrote, “The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life”

Am I asleep?


Elder Joseph B. Worthlin said, "Unfortunately, because the beauties of life are so abundant, sometimes we take them for granted.  When we open our eyes and give thanks for the bountiful beauty of this life, we live in thanksgiving daily.


Are my eyes open to the beauties or the uglies/imperfections/mess?


"After his father died, Nephi must have felt completely alone. He surely felt threatened. He surely felt discouraged. He surely felt troubled. But when it came time for him to communicate his feelings, what did he write?  'Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard' (2 Ne. 4:16).




"Yes, his path had been difficult. Yes, his heart groaned because of mistakes he had made, but he did not allow himself to linger in negativity. Instead, he told himself:'Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.  Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee' (2 Ne. 4:28–30)." -Worthin  

"And how do we render thanks unto God? King Benjamin told us that as well: 'And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17).

“He who receiveth all things with thankfulness,” the Lord has promised, “shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more” (D&C 78:19).
Gordon B. Hinckley said, "My plea is that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life, we 'accentuate the positive."

With the command of gratitude comes promised blessings.  
This list makes my insides leap.  


Who doesn't want to be and have more:


Good
love
light 
Courtesy
Feasts
Delight
Pleasure
Beauty
Memorable moments
Transcendent events
Loyalty
Admiration
Enriching moments
Strength
Joy (Rejoice)
Wisdom
Glory
Sunlight

Yes please.  


There is much to gain and nothing to lose.

No. 1.
I am thankful for doctrine.  And the firm, unshifting foundation of joy and relief it is to me.

No. 2
Spring Sunshine. Its warmth and relief is to my body as doctrine is to my soul. 

Only 998 more to go.

Do it with me  

Just me and my Katers.

Kate likes to use her ipod to take pictures lately.  She loves instagram.  

I found this on her ipod today as I was downloading some of her pictures to send to Tanner.

She is 11 now...

uhg.

Our family took a super quick trip to Palm Springs last week during spring break 

along with some good friends of ours 

and this is one of the only 3 pictures we took. 

Thanks to Kate we at least have something to remember it by.

So long sweet spring break.  

I already miss you.

The story of the scab on Kate's face is a story in and of itself but for now,

Lets just say it had something to do with my fingernail and a dangerously-kind-of-funny-later moment when a certain teenager forgot how important breaks are 

and how important it is to put a car in park 

when getting out of the car 

on a steep driveway.  

Ya.  

Ooops.

I love being a mom.  It's fun.  

And it gets my heart beating in ways I didn't think it could beat anymore 

without even exercising.  

Yay for adrenalin.

I eat my lunch in the backyard often, lately.  Mostly because it is freezing in our house and the sun feels SO good to me.   It's like a warm blanket that hugs your insides as much as your outsides and I LOVE IT.


It is officially Spring and my most favorite time of the year.  The sun, the green grass, blooming flowers and the first sign that summer and it's long less-scheduled days are on their final approach, all make me hopeful and happy.  There are 7 weeks left of seminary and only 6 more scripture mastery scriptures left to memorize. Emily will graduate from high school, Chad will graduate from the Jr high and Kate will celebrate her promotion to Jr. high status from the 5th grade.  The Holmes family will say Good bye elementary school! Tanner has celebrated his year mark on his mission this last month too, and let it be known that I am counting down the days until he is home.  As of today... 346.  Still too long!  As imperfect as they all are, I love my kids, and seeing them all do well and progress this year, brings me joy.  Not the kind of joy that makes me leap in the air... because frankly, I don't have the energy for those shenanigans, but joy like... that joyous feeling on the inside that comforts you and sustains you when life feels hard.  I am so thankful for my kids.


I was sitting in the back yesterday,"admiring" our mess of a yard, and considering planting a garden. (Did you hear the record screech?) This is crazy talk, I know. But, I have always admired people who do this and do it well.  Over the years I have admired anyone who could, not only, keep their kids alive but vegetables too!  Thoughts of tending a garden back then would always create anxiety, overwhelm me, and cause unnecessary stress in my life.  Heaven knows that there are enough stresses in our lives!  We certainly don't need to add any unnecessary ones!  (Sorry for yelling.) Well, I have been taught over the years... and to my surprise learned that there are times and seasons for everything in life.  Perhaps the hardest nurturing years with my children are nearly over.  7 years from now our baby will leave for college.  I have been growing children for 20 years now, so 7 more just seems like the last lap.  Oh, I know its going to be a long grueling lap but still, it's the last one.  I would even say that we have begun to enjoy some of the fruits of our labors.  


So perhaps it's time for me to plant a real garden that might help me... nurture me... just a little.  This nurturer needs to be nurtured.  I have studied some important modern day revelation more thoroughly recently, with regard to how we eat.  Full of wisdom, for sure.  I am wanting to do all I can to help my body not hurt anymore.  It seems that so much of it is not within my power to fix and I am fed up, tired, depressed and annoyed by sickness.  I am taking control over what is with in my ability to control.  I figure rather than sit around and wonder why I am sick I will work with what I know for sure.  Heaven knows there is enough about mortal life that I DON'T know for sure.


This is some of what I do know for sure.


D&C 89
"...Given for a principle with promise."

"..I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man- Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.
Yea, flesh also beasts and of the fowls of the air, I the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving NEVERTHELESS they are to be used sparingly.
And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.
All grain is ordained for the use of man...
All grain is good for the food of man; also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground-..."

So


Herbs ... scriptures reference plants.  So herbs means plants.  Lets say that lettuce fits in that category.  I asked Syri how many types of lettuce there are and she showed me this.. 
"... there are 5 types of lettuce: 
• Crisphead (also called Iceberg lettuce) 
• Butterhead 
• Cos or Romaine 
• Loose leaf or bunching and 
• Stem lettuce (also called Asparagus lettuce or Chinese lettuce/ celtuce)."  
And more than 100 different varieties of cabbage alone!  I read that the definition of "herb" is loose.  It can mean anything from a tree, flower, dried roots as well as herbs like basil etc.  I think we are safe to say I might not have even scratched the surface of the variety of "herbs" that have been provided to us on this earth and heaven knows I don't eat enough of them.


Fruit
Every fruit in the season there of and with thankfulness.  Also, the fruit of the vine and that which gives fruit whether in the ground or above.  So potatoes grow in the ground and get such a bad rap but tadaa... good for you.  Maybe not in the quantity that America devours them or in the fat and oil they are fried in though.  Beans, nuts, seeds.  All good.


Meat
Eat meat sparingly and if we didn't get that he explains further, in times of famine, winter or cold and then repeated himself in another verse later. Hmm. You mean not for lunch and dinner every single day? Oops.

Grain

All grain... I recently read that there are 20 whole grains.  Who knew?  And guess what ? "White All Purpose Flour" isn't one of them.  And neither is sugar.  Oops.  

So that leaves a lot of unknowns like dairy.  and sugar.  and chocolate.  and cake.  What about cake?  Oh ya, I get so distracted so easily.  I forgot, I am focusing on what I DO know for sure.  Not, what I DON'T know.

It has been a good place to start for me.  Just based on what I know for sure, there are some changes I need to make.  I am not counting on a miracle cure nor am I counting on being great at this any time soon.  But, just like in yoga, teachers say if you pick a point to focus on, on the wall or floor, then it is sometimes easier to keep your balance in strange positions.  I am out of balance physically and find myself in a strange position.  This is my "spot" to focus on.  What I know for sure.  

I found this picture recently on Pinterest.

It's called "A Year In The Life Of A Tree." 

It is beautiful.  It reminds me of the seasons of our lives.  And the seasons of our years.  And the seasons of our weeks and days.  If I am being honest, I feel a bit like that winter tree lately.  Perhaps it is good for me to note, for that tree, Spring is not long off. 

Imperfectly Awesome

Yes, the H is crooked.

I have been writing this journal entry in my mind for months now.

Each time I look at this "H" on top of our wall unit hanging to one side I think to myself, "I should fix that."  And then I don't.

I am amazed at myself.  In awe really.  It's like I don't know myself anymore.  Just a few short years ago, I would have had to fix this immediately.  Over time, I have discovered something.  This H is telling a story.  The story of a family.  My family.

A possibly over-scheduled, hard working, service giving, homework doing, scout focusing, sports playing, dance performing, achievement minded, prayer offering, college bound, missionary loving, flawed family that likes to lay on the couch whenever possible and laugh together.  A family that use to clean on Saturdays and rarely does anymore.  A family with a messy garage, a mountain of laundry, a dirty car, breakfast dishes in the sink among other places, and frazzled parents that glaze over at the first sign of an unscheduled block of time.  It reminds me of all that is good in my life.  I sometimes feel, lately, that my messes that I can't seem to get to, I should wear like a badge.  They represent the things that I did instead.

Instead of cleaning out the garage the last 10 years, we have raised a family.  A family that can tolerate a messy garage, but a family, none the less.  And I think they are imperfectly awesome. Down to every last flaw.

Eye Of The Tiger

Very Few things inspire me anymore.  
This is a problem because I need inspiration.
Desperately sometimes.

Thankfully there are still a couple things that, without fail, motivate me, inspire me, and even have to power to make me want to workout.  

I know what you are thinking... 
Now, THAT is some good stuff!  
And yes... yes it is... but sadly, it only lasts 3 minutes and 59 seconds.  
Not quite long enough to find my running shoes and get them on.  

It's a song from the Rocky movie called Eye Of The Tiger.  

Here are some of the lyrics for your reading pleasure.

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance
Now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge
Of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the
Eye of the tiger

Risin' up straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance
Now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive


This song is genius. Where do we find wisdom like this is songs from today?  I will admit, "Get Jiggy Wit It" is great advice but it doesn't hold a candle to "[Don't] trade your passion for glory" or "Don't lose a grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive."(Every mother needs this song on their ipod.)

My "will to survive" is shrinking over the years so I am thankful for a ferocious broach that found itself into my life via some friends a few years ago.  I always have her close by.
Here she is, in all her glory.  
Hideous I know...
But I love her.