All my kids under one roof.

There aren't really words to express the joy of having all my kids under one roof over the Thanksgiving holiday.

Tanner's mission papers were sent last week.  

If timing is as he was told,

he should have his mission call 

by his birthday

on December 17th.

(which is also his last day in Rexburg)

I am looking forward to having him here 

for Christmas

and then

he is off on his Mission!

  

I am just praying that he goes somewhere

 SAFE

like, Tenessee, or Canada.

I know, I am a wimp. 

I will miss my boy.

This is Love.

There is just something about a bowl set.

This bowl set.

and all the other ones in my cabinet.

I find that in stores, I am drawn to them.

Is it that... I don't have to choose a color?

Is it that... they all fit together so precisely?

Could I be a little OCD?

Is it normal to have emotional responses to bowls that fit together like that?

Is it that... my heart races a little when our eyes first meet?

Is it that... the possibilities of their usefulness are endless?

Is it that... the thought of having a party just so I can introduce them to my family and fiends, really that tempting?

I am not really sure what it is exactly... but

 This is love.

The Purse

In a uncharacteristically decisive moment I bought it.  

It wasn't even black.  

Not even close.

It is summer, I thought, and it makes me smile.  

   

Everywhere I go, complete strangers tell me how much they love the purse. 

Men are even making comments about it. 

Well... two... but still. 

Phillip confessed to me recently,

 actually on our way to the hospital for my pre op tests, 

that he may be getting a tad jealous of the purse.  

He said that it gets more attention than he does.

Moments later

 we walked into the lab

  the woman behind the counter got up out of her seat and exclaimed in her charming hispanic way,

OH MY GAUSCH,

 I loff jor purse.

In her continued excitement, she asked me where I got it,

 how much it cost,

 if she could touch it,

if it was real leather.

I could hear Phillip's eyes rolling into the back of his head.

 I mentioned that I had surgery Friday

 she offered to do all my admission paperwork for me after my tests so I wouldn't have to wait in any other lines that day. 

She was so kind to me

 and in spite of all my pre surgery nerves

 she had me smiling and laughing the whole time I was there.  

When she was finished, 

she personally walked me to the admissions office

  introduced me and the purse to the ladies there, 

hugged me,

  told me  not to worry,

 that I had the best surgeon ever

 and that I would be well taken care of. 

Phillip mentioned that I might want to bring the purse into the operating room,  just in case.

Seriously, she was the nicest lady and her kindness was a real blessing to me that day.

She probably wouldn't remember me if I walked into her office again however

She most certainly would remember the purse.

Perhaps I shouldn't post this...

Lets play a little catch up:

July

Cruise with the kids and dear family friends, what a treat!

Family vacation at Dads in Washington

Pretty sick and scheduled surgery

celebrated Philllps birthday. 

Aug. 

Emily turned 16.  We had a fun party and so enjoyed spoiling her a little bit.  

School shopping for 4 kids and back to school

Started teaching seminary. At 6 am.  E v e r y d a y of the week. 

Started taking naps... and praying more.

Tanner finished his papers for his mission. Including a series of Dr. appts and expensive DDS appts packed in so as to finish before he left for school.

Sept 

Took Tanner to BYU Idaho.  Love love love it there.  Love him.  Left him... didn't cry till I got in the car but then cried off and on for a day or two.  I so miss him but he is having so much fun it makes it easier.

I came home with a week to prepare for my surgery. 

A Hysterectomy. 

I'll admit its a little sad knowing no more babies even though I knew I couldn't handle more anyway.  The surgery was the easy part.  Every day since has been... well... lame. Pretty much... I hate it.  I should say too, that I really don't care for the word hate.  I tend to steer clear of it and its kind of a bad word at our house.  But ya... I hate it.  I had my surgery early Friday the 17th and Sunday, after a horrific spinal headache for 48 hours, they did an emergency spinal patch to heal the leak I had in my spinal column from the spinal meds they gave me during surgery.  Apparently the leak literally causes your brain to sag.  Seriously painful.  After 2 days of not eating or drinking, I was so dehydrated the dr was thumping my jugular as a possible vain to use during the procedure.  yikes.  I don't want to do that ever again and Im very very thankful for modern medicine and talented Drs.

  

After 4 days of the hospital and painful experiences I finally came home Monday to... 

 a household of (amazing) kids wierded out about their brother being gone and their mom out of commission, 

sleeping (if you could call it that) downstairs in our guest room, 

a body pretty super messed up and unable to tolerate food,  

pain medications that made me sick but pain that made me cry,

a very sweet protective, laundry doing and dish washing husband,

and a wonderfully helpful mom trying to maintain our household

and some dinners from really kind friends.

What a humbling experience this has been.  

I thought I'd be down for a couple of weeks and then just tired for a few more weeks as I recovered completely. So not reality.  I really really didn't understand what I was in for.

It's now,  almost 4 weeks since my surgery and Im still walking quite slow and it hurts to sneeze laugh and cough... STILL.   Im pretty achy if I am on my feet for any length of time although I can walk all the way around the block now.  We just won't talk about how long it takes me.  I really underestimated how much damage was done to my insides, however I think I understand now.  When they tell you it's major surgery, they mean it.  My insides are still settling from all the jostling around and patching they had to endure and Im still a little swollen.  This process is so painfully slow and frustrating.  I have always thought myself to be pretty tough and on the positive side however, these last 4 weeks I have found that I am 

1. A horrible patient. 

2. Horribly impatient. 

3. Not positive at all. 

4. Just plain grouchy.  

I think my family might even like to add a few more flowery adjectives of their own too.  Sad.  

I am on a steady diet of counting my blessing every night now trying to pull myself out of this.

It works... till morning. ; )

     

just a little window shopping.

Is this cute or is this cute?

Safety Pins... is it that diffiicult?

I stopped by target to run a quick errand this morning.  I just needed safety pins.

hahahaha ya right... like I could ever go to target and leave with only safety pins.  

Anyway, after walking enough aisles for it to be considered my morning exercise,

I finally decided to just ask an employee so the errand could still be considered "quick."

Me:"Hi, I was wondering if you might know where the safety pins are?"

Target lady: Blank stare. "Um, uh, I don't, um, no english, sorry sorry."

I double checked to make sure that she was wearing a target tag and her khakis and red shirt 

just in case I had lost my head and happened to ask a random customer.
hahhaha ya right...like I could ever lose my head, not me.

Me, in super ultra nice mode: "Oh sorry, Its ok, thanks."

I am still wondering why I said sorry and thanks? 

Edna: "Something in spanish with a nice smile."

I was in a hurry and was probably going to be late

but I was more bothered by how someone could get a job, in customer service, 

in AMERICA, 

without knowing how to speak even a little english. 

but were moving on and were smiling people, smiling.

located another target lady... 

Me:"Hi, I was wondering if you might know where the safety pins are?"

  Target Lady: "Pens? Pens right here." as she pointed to all the writing utensils on the next aisle over.

Me:"No, not a pen to write with,  a safety pin."

Target Lady: Blank stare.

Me: "S a f e t y  pIns. You know...

(imagine me here using my hands to make the shape of a safety pin)

the sharp pointy kind...

Blank stare.

silver... 

with a clippy thingy on the end?"

I know, but you should try describing a safety pin.

Target Lady, while staring at the pens hanging on the wall with a sort of look-of-longing on her face as if hoping the pens could talk, said "That kind, um, pen, um don't know, these... all we have."

Right about then, 

I began rethinking my earlier consideration that just a little english would be helpful,

AND no.  

It's not.

UHG.

Really? Safety Pins. Is it that difficult?

Things Change

Things change.

If there is one thing I can always count on

it is change.

This is Tanner, the day after Emily was born in 1994.  

Needless to say,

His world had just completely changed.

Up to that point it was just him and me.

Buddies.

Mother and son.

We walked to the park.

We spent hours at construction sites watching the front end loaders.

We never missed the trash truck.

Tanner rode on the back of my bike around town.

We shopped, we drank apple juice, and we picked out hot wheel trucks.

It was a simple happy time filled with Barney, book stores, and Richard Scary. 

In 5 weeks this sweet boy will graduate from high school and in a few short months be off to college. 

Needless to say,

His world is about to completely change... again.

and mine too.

We'll still be buddies, mother and son.

We'll weather this like we did all the other changes...

right?

Deep breath.  Am I ready for this?

How Sweet It Is

Phillip and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary

February 24th.

We were able to get away for five lovely days.

We thought about going many places

but in the end we just wanted to be somewhere, 

anywhere...away

We found a nice somewhere

in Montecito.

We have always loved Santa Barbara and surrounding areas.

This is a picture of our "anywhere away."

 

a little house all to ourselves;

cozy fireplace, billowing blankets, pool, jacuzzi,

It was a celebration of love, one would only expect.

 But who are we kidding, really...

 if you know Phillip then you know, 

it was all about the food. 

However, you should hear the way he reads the menus to me...

phew... is it getting hot in here?

He had me at caramelized.

Oh, how sweet it is.

I blinked Then Suddenly Kate Turned 9

 

I'm not entirely sure how it happened...

 I must have blinked because suddenly Kate turned 9.

  

She is a confident

happy

energetic

 witty

loving

kart wheel-dog-friend-baby-and-shoe-crazed 

sweet little girl.

  

  

 

  

  

 

Im guessing

that all too soon she will be a grown up sweet 
but not so little girl.

I sure love her this way though

and sort of wish I could stop time.

I love you Katers.
You make all my Mom dreams come true.

Be Still My Heart

Have you ever looked at something that caused 

your heart to race, your face to flush,

and your eyes to well up with tears of joy...

Me too.

Clarity

My mind is clear as of late.

I am discovering how great this feels.

I have moments when I think I must be forgetting something because I am far too relaxed.

You could even say that I am basking in it.

Over the last week, or so, I have been taking notice of my response to the everyday questions of "How are you?"  Before I even have time to engage my brain my mouth is exclaiming "I am GREAT!"  I realize this is odd, but it sort of comes as a surprise to me.  Is that possible?  In that moment I think to myself, You're great?  Really?  

Oh, ok I guess you are

and, I DO; I feel REALLY great.  

I have had about 7 solid years of anxiety and I think I was so use to it that I had forgotten what it feels like to not have any.  Now you could say that I experience more of a selected anxiety.  You know, anxiety that I intentionally bring on myself... ON purpose. 

[insert ironic chuckle here] 

I am discovering a little bit is healthy, just enough to keep me striving to be

 a good me.

I am taking stock; reevaluating, checking things off my list,

 making plans,

[Did you sort of choke on your cherry pepsi with that one a little bit? 

With my head low and my hand held high in acknowledgment, I KNOW, I intellectualized the  eradication of that set-up-for-failure years ago. 

Let us all raise our glasses and toast to a new day!]

 embracing change, shifting gears, and enjoying how time has slowed down a bit.

I am examining my heart, my intentions and my desires and I like what I have found.

So far, I know this much... 

Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself and Im totally intrigued by his ways

and......the sky is blue. 

like Jordan would say, That is all.

or lIke Mariah... Im just sayin.

Either way, It's all good.

xoxo

Sara

Just like old times, minus the work.

We thought we'd have a little meeting.

Just like old times.

Minus the work plus way more fun.

The agenda:

The spiritual thought:

Getting down to business:

 Applying what we have learned:

I think we are on to something.

xoxo ladies.

Can't wait until next time!