My Chad

My Chad.  He is 11.  OH so 11;  can't sit still, hates doing errands that take him away from his video games, hates taking showers,  and is starting to be much more vocal about his opinion (and injustice) , but is the most loving 11 year old boy I know.  He is just weeks away from turning 12 now and he is looking forward to moving out of primary at church and on to mutual night with the big kids.  I'm not sure how he could be turning 12 because it was just recently that he was a baby smiling from ear to ear and toddler playing with hot wheels and a tiny boy hooking our office chair up to the back of his bike and giving rides to the neighbor kids over his jump, for fun.  He loves being busy and loves being outside and has since he was a baby.  He use pull himself up to the front window of our house when he was just learning how to walk and cry as he watched the older kids play outside as if to say, "Hey, I'm missing all the fun in here.  No fair."  I use to race through my chores early so I could sit out in front with him and let him play when the big kids got home from school.  He would stand on the curb and holler at the older kids on their scooters until they let him have a ride or let him play on their scooter for a while.  It actually got so bad at one point that i packed all the kids in the car and just drove to the store and bought a scooter so we could have far less drama in our lives each day.  We sooo did not have the money to do this, but I was desperate for peace...And so it goes to this day, he must be busy and he must play, it is in his blood.

 He plays hard but boy oh boy he sleeps hard too and he is so easy to love.  I feel so lucky to be his mom.

Sweet sleepy chad.

Gingerbread and oh so much more.

Thanks so much Norma, it was so much fun!

life is hard

Life is hard.

It seems that so many things have happened lately that have been reminding me that I am sooooo not in control.  I tend to like to think that I am in control most of the time and I believe that I do have control over some things...like, my choices; choosing right over wrong, healthy over fattening.  Choosing running shoes over the couch, oh and allow me to note here, that I'm not saying I always do these things I'm just listing totally unrelated random typical-human choices. Choosing to give service over being self centered, forgiveness over holding a grudge and parenting in patience and gentle guidance over parenting with sarcasm and less than gentle screaming at the top of my lungs... ooops.  I guess totally unrelated and random just went out the window. I do know that these choices lead to happiness.

However, the hardest choice for me is choosing how I am going to respond when things don't go the way that I have planned.

I have been thinking about our dear friends that have lost their spouses; one 8 years ago and one just last month and how they are dealing with daily life now.  I'm sure each of them had not planned on this.

I have been thinking about my nephew and the accident he was in last week.  He is still in the hospital with the hope of recovery after hours of surgery to reattach his scalp and place a titanium rod in his femur and plates in his back to hold it together.  He is in his late twenties, married, with children and no health insurance.  I think of his mom, wife and kids how hard this must be for them. Im sure they had not planned on this.

I have been thinking about a friend with a daughter that has a disease that they are battling and the feelings of helplessness they must experience at times. Im sure they had not planned on this.

I have been thinking about a young man in our ward that fell asleep at the wheel recently.  How in an instant his entire life and his family's life changed.  The miracle that he is alive and his road to heal. I'm sure they had not planned on this.

I think of the family in our ward, that lost their sweet mother a couple years ago, every time I drive past her grave site.  I'm saddened as I think that they must still grieve her absence because I know I still do.

Im sure they had not planned on this.

I think of one of my best friends and her two beautiful boys; one born with cerebral palsy and one with autism.  I think about her full life. Each week, a series of dr. appointments, therapy, and hope for healthy futures with so many unknowns. I know they had not planned on this.

I think of my own life and some not so pleasant experiences that have caused me to ask,"Why? Why this, why now?  How can I get through this? or Will I ever get through this?"

Life never really goes exactly the way that we plan. The punch in the stomach feeling that accompanies these experiences isn't ever easy to endure or overcome.  I have given this so much thought lately and I keep thinking about something Liz told me the day of her husband's funeral. She said something like, the hardest days for them were the days that they began seeing that God's will was to take Tim home early.  It took time for her to submit to it.  She then said..."I realized that I knew I agreed to this; all of this, and that is when the peace started to come." She isn't happy about it, she went on to say, but the peace is there, comforting her and helping her see, that their story isn't over yet. 

Heavenly Father has a master plan and it generally doesn't involve an easy pain free life. He knows what he is doing. Sometimes it is difficult to see, how-in-the-world these experiences can possibly be for our good. An author I love by John Bytheway said this, Heavenly Father doesn't need us to prove to him what we can become, he already knows how strong we are capable of being and all we are meant to become.  What trial does for us, is prove to US how strong we really are and all we can become!

I know for me, after some of my most difficult experiences, my eyes become opened to something new I hadn't ever known before.  Something that changes me and makes me better than I was.  Something that brings me and those that I love, one step closer to Christ, as we lean on our faith. And that is what Heavenly Father is all about.

My Dad said that when things get really bad he knows that's when he needs to just give it over to God.  I thought, yes you are right...then proceeded to be my unrelenting self and said, "But I don't always like what God does with the stuff I give over to him!"  Heavenly Father was looking down on me, at that moment, shaking his head,  just like I do at my kids when they just don't get it. Giving up control, a false sense of control that is, over our lives is humbling and difficult.

Submitting to the will of God is... well... Christ-like.

And, I humbly admit that I want to be like Him.

Dang it.

A little photo surprise.

So I let my kids use my laptop ... let me rephrase that...

My kids take my laptop all the time and use it at will,

tonight as I was scrolling though some photos I came upon these.

Funny boy.

Some Sunday Fun

Emily loves to bake.  

She saw these cute cupcakes online 

and had to make them.  

I think she did a great job!

We Found Faith and Hope and Fall in Utah.

We found Fall, among other things, in Utah this weekend.  We found favorite old friends and said a sorrowful good-bye to a dear one; we found time with the kids, time to take in the beauties of Zion, and time to think.

I still can't believe our friend Tim is gone or that his wife is now raising 8 kids on her own... however, never before, have I been more sure that the spirit comforts us just the way we need comforting.

I am so inspired by the way Liz stood strong and held up each of her kids as they came, one by one, to the pulpit to talk about their Dad. Her strength and courage and happiness through this painful experience has made me stronger. I am amazed and inspired by her example.

Tim was a wonderful man and took Phillip under his wing so to speak, just months after Phillip graduated and was ready to begin his career in graphic design. He was first our home teacher, then boss, mentor, and friend.

Their son Weston was Tanner's first best friend and their home was where Tanner lost his first tooth. Phillip worked for Tim for 7 years and saw us through the birth of Emily, Chad, and Kate. The blessings of that job lead to the purchase of our home here in Corona,the home in which we still live. We bought it eleven and a half years ago now.

Needless to say, our family has found a lot of blessings because of Tim and his sweet family over the years. I am so thankful for his good life and the example his family continues to set for us, even in his passing.

  

I feel a deep sense of gratitude to have known and been the beneficiary of such a good man.I hope that Liz will continue to feel comfort and peace as her challenge to press on, unfolds in front of her.Tim will be terribly missed...however, there is great anticipation for a time when their family will be together again and were just hoping to be able to get some land on their cul-de-sac in heaven.

We love them.

Laundry, Hail Mary, and a Lint Pop Up Book.

Tanner did a load of laundry.   

Tanner did a load of laundry.  

Tanner did a load of laundry.

 I'm still not sure it has completely sunk in but make no mistake, he most certainly did 

a load. of. laundry!

I'm sort of kicking myself for not being more aware of what lead up to this craziness

because I most certainly would be willing to do all the same things every day 

if it resulted in him doing more loads of laundry. 

Never mind that he washed my black chenille blanket and it shredded into pieces...

Which sorta made every piece of clothing look like it was covered in 

mega super gigantic black lint on steroids.  

I was a little sad

but I totally tried to hide it from my very disappointed super awesome laundry doing 17 year old boy.

In a moment of trying to see the good in a bad situation

Tanner said, "that's what the lint trap is for right?"

I tried not to sound condecending 

so instead of words coming out of my mouth

some other sound burst through my lips.

It was sort of a restrained sarcastic half laugh half snort uhg sound.

I'm not very good at hiding my true feelings. 
Poor Tanner.  He felt so bad.

After rewashing the load I went for the hail mary and just threw it all in the dryer.

By the time I got to the dryer to fold the clothes I had forgotten all about the enormous lint.  

The clothes were clean, not an ounce of lint on them.

(I'm totally laughing right now as I type this because of what happened next. I'm not sure words or even a picture can do it justice)

BUT...

 I pulled the lint trap open to clean it out 

and 

it was like a furry pop up book of sorts,

and BOY did it tell a story!

I Missed Out.

My family had a day trip to the military museum in Tacoma WA with my Dad this summer.  

I find myself looking at these pictures 

a lot.   

 I was at my Dads house, in bed, 

sleeping off a restless miserable pukey night.

"I heard they have burgers and fries in the mess tent, wanna come?"

"Do I look manly with my rooty tooty point and shooty?"

"Do you think I'd make a cute soldier?"

"I could make that"

Ah ha...So this is what I need in my arsenal to get her to surrender!  

Two thumbs up.  Now, that is a good day.

Chad on the other hand doesn't look too thrilled.

He was probably thinking...

"are we ever going to go to the skatepark?"

or 

"will there be any fast food involved in this little trip?"

I heard that as soon as Tanner said that it is freaky to think that people actually died in this ambulance...Emily jumped out and ran.

Real life can be a little too real sometimes.

I think i totally missed out on a fun day with the family.  But I swear that a 10 hour nap, induced by anti nausea medicine after a sleep less night, was way way more my speed.  

It was those dang cherries...

the sight of those things still makes my stomach churn.

   

Clean Again

It's been a while since I have cleaned out my bread drawer.  YIKES.

So I decided to spend a few minutes doing just that.

It was a simple thing, really.

It took 2 minutes... ok, maybe 3.

I failed to capture it in its full horrific glory mind you.  

What you see here is only the remnants of the 5 (or 15) 

empty bread bags with one heal left in them sporting some 

green,fuzzy,not-so-medical-grade penicillin still in it's infant stages, 

all over the place.

It's a beautiful thing you know... 

to clean something out,  

throw away the trash, 

and restore it to its original glory.

I had forgotten that I had done this

probably because it only took such a short time.  

But, When I opened the drawer this morning 

I gasped in joy at the loveliness of the sight I beheld.

Fresh, orderly, clean, and no (cough) antibiotics in sight thank you very much.

(insert long deep breath here, so you can properly take it all in)

So, I am in search today for 

more 2 minute clean out, throw away, restorative projects
 that will add to my great mood.

(not to mention a little time to get to the grocery store.)

OR Perhaps there is a certain something in my character 

that could use some refreshing...

It's simple really.

All that is needed is just a dose of attention.

A little resentment clean out, a little attitude adjustment, and the healing power of prayer.  

Its easy to forget just how simple it is... 

and it's available to us because of one glorious eldest brother, 

who paid the ultimate price, 

so we can all 
gasp in joy at the loveliness of the feeling 

of being clean again.

What a blessing.