Pictures tell a story words can't say.

So, I have been working on some picture projects all summer and Friday night I stayed up until 5am sorting photos.  I have baby books that are falling apart and pictures that are slowly fading and getting ruined.  I have tons of childhood and high school pictures still in the envelopes from the photo store.  I found so many pictures I didn't even realize I had that spanned my entire life....elementary school play pictures, prom pictures and all the pictures from Phillip on his mission and volleyball pictures galore. Its interesting to me how life can be so easily be divided into piles/phases. Some good phases,  full of pictures I wanted to look at for a long time and other phases, that made me cringe at the feelings they brought back.  How can pictures hold that power to make us feel so much?  Its been good for me to see my life again, through adult eyes.  Some things make better sense to me now.

I decided to scan the old photos and create some albums I will have printed and bound into books.  I'm excited to have all my pictures in one place and organized finally.  I was never a scrap-booker; not patient enough.  This is so much faster.  I love it.  If you want to check out how simple it is go to Blurb.com.

I'm anxious to get it all finished but I just can't resist posting a couple pictures I dug up.  The good ones with great feelings attached.  Here are a few of Phillip and I after his mission...while he patiently waited for me to get old enough to marry.  Good times.

Just Me and My Dad

My Dad sent this photo to me recently and I love it. 

 It made me think of my other favorites over the years.

These are for you Dad. 

1989

 1975...ish

love you!

8-8-88

Who is that smokin hot man... boy... man?

The first day of school

Chad's last year at elementary school. He is a 5th grader now.

Kate's first day of 2nd grade.

They sure looked cute.

Kate and Alayna have the same teacher this year. They are so excited about that!

And Chad and Ryan have the same class too. I love it when everyone is happy. We are looking forward to a great year.

I never thought I would get to this stage in life. Another year with all my kids in school. I'm beginning to remember now, the part of me that got lost over the years. It takes time to uncover but slowly I'm recognizing that girl that was driven by her aspirations and hope of things to come; of improvement and desire to be better and to have fun.

When the kids were younger, the days were busy with so many little things; diapers, feedings, naps, doctor appts, the park, laundry, worry, teething, sickness that made life so much more difficult that I would do anything to keep the kids healthy... and the nights... they were just sleepless! Phillip worked so far away and life was tiring and a little too chaotic at times to really think too far into the future.

So, I stopped thinking about the future. Getting a full nights sleep and a night out with Phillip was a great cause of celebration and I would actually get excited over a trip alone to the grocery store. I really tried to enjoy the sweet moments when babies fell asleep in my arms and I chose not to get up and do the dishes. I marveled at the peace on my babies faces when they were new; unaffected by life yet. I savored the smell of them just out of the bath and in clean pajamas. If I think hard enough, I can almost smell it now. I loved getting everyone ready for church and sitting them on the pew just so I could see them all, clean and pressed, brushed and nice, all at once, even if it only lasted 5 min. Each little milestone; blessing days, nursery for the first time, the first day of kindergarten,(jr. high and high school) baptisms, and birthdays were the moments I'd stop and try to see the progress. The little strides and growth that might reflect a mother's love; just to see if I made any difference at all. It was so hard to see back then and even now too sometimes. (But back then it was harder.)

...and now, almost without warning, life changed. Here I am in a quiet house, alone and the day is full of possibility. I can do what ever I want to do. Last year, I wasn't sure what that was. I couldn't remember what "I" wanted. All I could remember was wanting to sleep and go to the bathroom alone; anywhere, alone. Then the guilt that mothers are so good at... what should I be doing with this time. How else can I make it all about everyone but me?? So I still have to ask myself...what do I like; what do I love to do; what do I want to be? It's past just being alone, now. I'm still all about the kids but healthier I think now. I look for a way to fill my tank, so to speak, while they are at school, so when the kids get home I can be the Mom they need most. I still clean and cook and wash and fold, I just get to pick the time I do it now. It's never as simple as it sounds on paper but its the only way to try to make sense of the feelings that overwhelm me lately. So much has changed and I'm in a different stage of life. It's not bad, it's just new and little bit uncomfortable still. The schedule, thoughts and emotions are fresh and feel unnatural. I've never been good at change. I'm excited though. Life feels new. It feels great (in my brave moments).

I adore my kids. They are healthy, smart, friendly, happy (not so little) people. It feels good to know that Phillip and I helped them become that. We helped them have some of their annoying habits too! :D oh well. We have done our very very best. Today...I'm good with that.

The first day of school

Tanner the first day of his Junior year and 6' 2"

Emily on the first day of her freshman year and 5'10". 

 

Never too happy about having a picture taken, but they smiled anyway. 

 They are growing up too fast.

Emily's 14th birthday

A rice krispy treat cake, it's Emily's favorite.  

We had a little family gathering on Sunday night with just 2 ( out of 40) of Emily's cousins Julie and Jody, and one of her friends Emily Hansen.  Grandma and Grandpa Holmes came too, along with the Brinks. 

 

Then on her actual birthday, just the 4 girls went out...

Hannah, Emily, Ryli, and Ari 

with the Moms

and saw a movie.  It was lots of Fun.  

Happy Birthday Emily.  We are so proud of the young women that you have become.   And FINALLY... 14, this could be one of the best years of your life. Enjoy. We love you.

Family pictures from Jordan's wedding

Ruth.  Such a beauty.

Maybe the only time she will be able to say her FAVORITE grandson

... cause he is the only one!

...That is a hint

ok. ok. Medical school first. 

Sisters Jody and Julie.  My nieces.  Cute California girls.

My sister in law Tami with Baby Roy (her grandson) and Luke at the reception.  

We had a great day with family.  

Family pictures from Jordan's wedding

Wow, everyone smiling at the same time!  A mother's favorite moment.

 Emily shows her true self.

Tanner is trying not to like it.

Cute Grandma and Emily.  

Jackson with his Uncle Grant.  

This is my Neice's baby, Luke.  What a sweet boy.  I just can't get enough.

This is my fake smile and I  know everyone can tell!

aw...sisters.

Does someone smell something???

Grant and Julia and a little put on for the camera.

Maybe this is where Jackson gets his cheese.  Cute Auntie Randi!  I know I made you do it Randi, Thanks for being such a good sport.

Some cute boys

It's a Chad Sandwich!

Some very important men in my life. 

 Sometimes my emotions get the best of me... I just love this picture.  I took this at the LA temple in the exact spot where phillip had a picture taken on our wedding day 18 years ago.

Wanna see it?

Phillip on Feb 24th, 1990 

LA Temple

Jordan and Breana's Wedding Day

Remember being that excited to be married.

It was a wonderful ceremony.  The sealer spoke an awful lot about kids.  There must be many in their future!  Both Jordan and Breana are so peaceful and sweet, they compliment each other perfectly.

Congratulations!  We love you guys.

Holmes family photos

Leah and Gentry's baby Roy... that makes me "Great" Aunt Sara,  ouch.  This little one will cause many a heart to break in a few years.  What color blue is that exactly?  Crystal Blue, ice blue, Greek God Blue... YES!

Emily and baby Roy.

aw, loves for Kate.

Baby Jackson.  Quite possibly the biggest personality in the smallest body ever!  I didn't take enough pictures because I was laughing so hard.  Dancing to apple bottom jeans on Randi's phone up to his ear was priceless.  I just can't get enough of you Jackson.  

I've never met a child who wanted his picture taken more.  Little Thomas, what a beautiful boy!

Eyelashes from here to Colorado!  Those poor unprepared young women.  They have no idea what is coming their way.  

wait...what...

Leah, Heidi, Marie,  just a warning, in the blink of an eye they grow up! Enjoy.