I eat my lunch in the backyard often, lately.  Mostly because it is freezing in our house and the sun feels SO good to me.   It's like a warm blanket that hugs your insides as much as your outsides and I LOVE IT.


It is officially Spring and my most favorite time of the year.  The sun, the green grass, blooming flowers and the first sign that summer and it's long less-scheduled days are on their final approach, all make me hopeful and happy.  There are 7 weeks left of seminary and only 6 more scripture mastery scriptures left to memorize. Emily will graduate from high school, Chad will graduate from the Jr high and Kate will celebrate her promotion to Jr. high status from the 5th grade.  The Holmes family will say Good bye elementary school! Tanner has celebrated his year mark on his mission this last month too, and let it be known that I am counting down the days until he is home.  As of today... 346.  Still too long!  As imperfect as they all are, I love my kids, and seeing them all do well and progress this year, brings me joy.  Not the kind of joy that makes me leap in the air... because frankly, I don't have the energy for those shenanigans, but joy like... that joyous feeling on the inside that comforts you and sustains you when life feels hard.  I am so thankful for my kids.


I was sitting in the back yesterday,"admiring" our mess of a yard, and considering planting a garden. (Did you hear the record screech?) This is crazy talk, I know. But, I have always admired people who do this and do it well.  Over the years I have admired anyone who could, not only, keep their kids alive but vegetables too!  Thoughts of tending a garden back then would always create anxiety, overwhelm me, and cause unnecessary stress in my life.  Heaven knows that there are enough stresses in our lives!  We certainly don't need to add any unnecessary ones!  (Sorry for yelling.) Well, I have been taught over the years... and to my surprise learned that there are times and seasons for everything in life.  Perhaps the hardest nurturing years with my children are nearly over.  7 years from now our baby will leave for college.  I have been growing children for 20 years now, so 7 more just seems like the last lap.  Oh, I know its going to be a long grueling lap but still, it's the last one.  I would even say that we have begun to enjoy some of the fruits of our labors.  


So perhaps it's time for me to plant a real garden that might help me... nurture me... just a little.  This nurturer needs to be nurtured.  I have studied some important modern day revelation more thoroughly recently, with regard to how we eat.  Full of wisdom, for sure.  I am wanting to do all I can to help my body not hurt anymore.  It seems that so much of it is not within my power to fix and I am fed up, tired, depressed and annoyed by sickness.  I am taking control over what is with in my ability to control.  I figure rather than sit around and wonder why I am sick I will work with what I know for sure.  Heaven knows there is enough about mortal life that I DON'T know for sure.


This is some of what I do know for sure.


D&C 89
"...Given for a principle with promise."

"..I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man- Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.
Yea, flesh also beasts and of the fowls of the air, I the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving NEVERTHELESS they are to be used sparingly.
And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.
All grain is ordained for the use of man...
All grain is good for the food of man; also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground-..."

So


Herbs ... scriptures reference plants.  So herbs means plants.  Lets say that lettuce fits in that category.  I asked Syri how many types of lettuce there are and she showed me this.. 
"... there are 5 types of lettuce: 
• Crisphead (also called Iceberg lettuce) 
• Butterhead 
• Cos or Romaine 
• Loose leaf or bunching and 
• Stem lettuce (also called Asparagus lettuce or Chinese lettuce/ celtuce)."  
And more than 100 different varieties of cabbage alone!  I read that the definition of "herb" is loose.  It can mean anything from a tree, flower, dried roots as well as herbs like basil etc.  I think we are safe to say I might not have even scratched the surface of the variety of "herbs" that have been provided to us on this earth and heaven knows I don't eat enough of them.


Fruit
Every fruit in the season there of and with thankfulness.  Also, the fruit of the vine and that which gives fruit whether in the ground or above.  So potatoes grow in the ground and get such a bad rap but tadaa... good for you.  Maybe not in the quantity that America devours them or in the fat and oil they are fried in though.  Beans, nuts, seeds.  All good.


Meat
Eat meat sparingly and if we didn't get that he explains further, in times of famine, winter or cold and then repeated himself in another verse later. Hmm. You mean not for lunch and dinner every single day? Oops.

Grain

All grain... I recently read that there are 20 whole grains.  Who knew?  And guess what ? "White All Purpose Flour" isn't one of them.  And neither is sugar.  Oops.  

So that leaves a lot of unknowns like dairy.  and sugar.  and chocolate.  and cake.  What about cake?  Oh ya, I get so distracted so easily.  I forgot, I am focusing on what I DO know for sure.  Not, what I DON'T know.

It has been a good place to start for me.  Just based on what I know for sure, there are some changes I need to make.  I am not counting on a miracle cure nor am I counting on being great at this any time soon.  But, just like in yoga, teachers say if you pick a point to focus on, on the wall or floor, then it is sometimes easier to keep your balance in strange positions.  I am out of balance physically and find myself in a strange position.  This is my "spot" to focus on.  What I know for sure.  

I found this picture recently on Pinterest.

It's called "A Year In The Life Of A Tree." 

It is beautiful.  It reminds me of the seasons of our lives.  And the seasons of our years.  And the seasons of our weeks and days.  If I am being honest, I feel a bit like that winter tree lately.  Perhaps it is good for me to note, for that tree, Spring is not long off. 

Imperfectly Awesome

Yes, the H is crooked.

I have been writing this journal entry in my mind for months now.

Each time I look at this "H" on top of our wall unit hanging to one side I think to myself, "I should fix that."  And then I don't.

I am amazed at myself.  In awe really.  It's like I don't know myself anymore.  Just a few short years ago, I would have had to fix this immediately.  Over time, I have discovered something.  This H is telling a story.  The story of a family.  My family.

A possibly over-scheduled, hard working, service giving, homework doing, scout focusing, sports playing, dance performing, achievement minded, prayer offering, college bound, missionary loving, flawed family that likes to lay on the couch whenever possible and laugh together.  A family that use to clean on Saturdays and rarely does anymore.  A family with a messy garage, a mountain of laundry, a dirty car, breakfast dishes in the sink among other places, and frazzled parents that glaze over at the first sign of an unscheduled block of time.  It reminds me of all that is good in my life.  I sometimes feel, lately, that my messes that I can't seem to get to, I should wear like a badge.  They represent the things that I did instead.

Instead of cleaning out the garage the last 10 years, we have raised a family.  A family that can tolerate a messy garage, but a family, none the less.  And I think they are imperfectly awesome. Down to every last flaw.

Eye Of The Tiger

Very Few things inspire me anymore.  
This is a problem because I need inspiration.
Desperately sometimes.

Thankfully there are still a couple things that, without fail, motivate me, inspire me, and even have to power to make me want to workout.  

I know what you are thinking... 
Now, THAT is some good stuff!  
And yes... yes it is... but sadly, it only lasts 3 minutes and 59 seconds.  
Not quite long enough to find my running shoes and get them on.  

It's a song from the Rocky movie called Eye Of The Tiger.  

Here are some of the lyrics for your reading pleasure.

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance
Now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge
Of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the
Eye of the tiger

Risin' up straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance
Now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive


This song is genius. Where do we find wisdom like this is songs from today?  I will admit, "Get Jiggy Wit It" is great advice but it doesn't hold a candle to "[Don't] trade your passion for glory" or "Don't lose a grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive."(Every mother needs this song on their ipod.)

My "will to survive" is shrinking over the years so I am thankful for a ferocious broach that found itself into my life via some friends a few years ago.  I always have her close by.
Here she is, in all her glory.  
Hideous I know...
But I love her. 

Things I remember about February

1. Pain.  Like never before, pain.  New health problems that keep life interesting but not deadly.
2. Cinnamon lips.  Oh sweet sweet cinnamon lips. 
3. A birthday party for Kate that I lost all the pictures of. See number 11. We... SHE and her friends rock climbed and we all ate Miguels.  
4. Pantry Cleanup and out.  Partly because of number 1 and number 9  and number 2 but also because it was a mess.
5. Mudroom Redo.  No.  More.  Mess.  Yay.
6. Chad's Basketball Games.  Had a 16 point game this last week.  I am a fan.  
7. Brought our Closet to 2012 which means we said goodbye to some things from the 1900's.
8. Valentines.   My valentine bought me a purse I had my eye on and filled it with more cinnamon lips.
9.  A Diet.  Only lost 6 lbs...See number 2 and number 3 and number 8 and number 10.  Phillip loses 12 lbs just by not drinking soda and I want to punch him in the face.
10. Our 22nd Wedding Anniversary.  Best Dinner of my Life.  If you haven't ever had the made to order red velvet cake at Tapp's go NOW.  I mean drop everything and go now.  They frost it at your table with creamy cream cheese frosting and top it with fresh raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, and candied pecans.  Its the perfect celebratory cake.  Just enough to make you sick but wasn't the cause of number 1 but absolutely was the cause of number 9. 
11. Lost my two week old phone.  Yes.  I have never cried over a lost material possession.  Until now. Syri and I were bonding. I think I lo lo love her.  However, I did ask her if she can be changed to a man's voice... with an English Accent. 
12.  Preston leaves for MTC and Emily cries... I promise, she will survive.  
13.  Kyle ordained to the office of an Elder.  Phillips' childhood friend, Danny, passed away at 32 leaving his wife, Dawn and 2 kids, Kyle and Kara.  Kyle is the oldest and is getting ready to leave on a mission. We are so proud of him and the choices he is making in spite of the tragedy of losing his father when he was 8. He is a good boy.  Yay Kyle and way to go Dawn! We love you guys.
14.  Out of town guests, the Irelands, also here for Kyle, and it was so fun to catch up and enjoy time with them.
15.  The sun started coming up on my drive to seminary and I am feeling happier everyday.
16.  Tanner thriving in Colombia.  Only 362 more days until I hug my boy again.  I cry just thinking about it.