Her Halloween Day At School

Your Best British Accent Will Be Needed

Dear Mr Darcy,


I am ever so tired these days, and missing your company around the manor.  I fear that I may have come down with a terribly bothersome illness of sorts that just may be causing me to have need to lie down frequently and fall behind on my daily chores, responsibilities and such.  As I ponder these thoughts I find myself still bundled up in the billowy softness of our sleeping quarters wishing that your responsibilities did not take you so far away into a neighboring city for the day.  I would so enjoy the pleasure of your company as I take leave of my full schedule so as to converse quietly with you over some warm liquids that quite possibly have the power to not only warm an ailing body but to sooth a tired soul.  In addition, perhaps some scones and raspberry jam in the hearth room would draw you away from your duties? The children are away giving heed to their studies and the manor is quiet, lonely, and lifeless, if you will.   Oh Mr. Darcy, do come to the rescue of your one and only.  Come quickly.


All my love and devotion for ever and ever,
Mrs. Darcy

P.S  Or shall I say... Phillip, Will you bring me some soup from Panera and have lunch with me?

Superman Powers

"It's time to get up for school ." I said to Kate.  In my bed.  Not her bed.
  
"I had a scary dream last night about Godzilla."  Kate said to me.  In my bed.  Not her bed.


"Yeah? What happened?"  I asked.


"Well, Godzilla was destroying our house.  I didn't like it so I used my superman powers and saved us."  She said it so matter of factly, like there was nothing at all to fear.


"What are your superman powers?"  I asked, dying to hear her explanation.


"I could fly and just by touching Godzillas arm he would disappear." I could tell that in her mind it made perfect sense.


"So you single handedly saved our whole family and our house?"  I asked, so in awe of her amazingness.


"YES!" she exclaimed... at the same time realizing her own amazingness. In my bed.  Not her bed.


"WOW! You are amazing.  Thanks Kate.  Does it feel good to be so strong?"  I asked, as I thought how I want her/ need her, to be strong in this world, all her life to fight against the real-life worldly Godzillas of our time.
  
She smiled really big and proud and said, "Yes... yes it does." She jumped out of my bed, not her bed, and ran off to get dressed hollering about large green monsters and crazy disconnected dream sequences, but my mind wandered off even though I kept saying, "wow... and weird.. and really" so she knew I was listening.


I was thinking about my baby, being strong, being brave, wanting to save our family, and how much the world needs strong brave good people like that, today.  I wish I could feel strong like that, always.

Sometimes I need reminding of the story of Elisha, the prophet being surrounded by a great host. Seeing that his young servant was worried, Elisha said to him “fear not, for they that be with us are more than they that be with them." Then Elisha prayed that the Lord would open his servants eyes and the Lord opened the eyes of his servant and he saw that the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about him; protecting them from danger(2 Kings 6: 15-17). Neal A. Maxwell reminds us, “Brothers and sisters, the spiritual arithmetic has not changed! They that be with us are far more that they that be with them." Even when your not allowed to sleep in your parents bed anymore. 

When Exactly Did She Change?

I should be making dinner but I can't stop thinking about the girl in this picture.

I'm thinking things like...

When did my sweet little baby get so tall? 

I remember her being more like this...

Just looking at her in these pictures I can smell her and feel her warm cheeks up next to mine.

I remember laying in bed with her every night to help her fall asleep when she looked like this

She would twist my hair.  I would sing.

"When ever I hear the song of a bird or look at the blue blue sky

when ever I feel the rain on my face or the wind and it rushes by..."

 and

"... I walk by faith 

a daughter of heavenly parents

divine am I in nature by inheritance..."

When exactly did I stop doing that?

When did her obsession with baby dolls, Pooh Bear and Hello Kitty come to an end?

When did she start keeping her shoes on and stop crying about those fit provoking sock seams?

When exactly did she change?

What happened to my little baby girl?

When did she turn into this?

and this?

When did she finally outgrow this?

and start turning into this

all those years I fretted that the phases would never end.  The up all night phases, the temper tantrums in target phases, the hating school or feeling like she had no friends phases.  The putting friends before family phase and the phone over family phase.  All that worry... for what?  

For her, to eventually turn into this...

A girl who knows who she is and all she can become. And... as much as I miss her soft and rosy newborn cheeks and her quirky little toddler habits and her falling asleep in my arms...

I am so blessed

with my beautiful 15 year old version of my sweet (not so little) baby Emily.

you still melt my heart.

Scripture Study Notes to Self

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded thee?  Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest.

It's a commandment.

Be strong.

Have courage.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be dismayed.

God is with you.

Everywhere.

LIVE this commandment.

SEEK truth and STAND for it.  LOOK them in the eye.  STAND up straight.  SAY what you need to say. STRIVE to use your phyical muscles and spiritual muscles often so they can sustain you because you know... that life thing...it's hard!

When we are relying soley on our courage, we are not thinking anymore; we are DOING.  Our mind is made up.  it is easier to have courage when we have sought truth and KNOW it, first.

CHOOSE not to be afraid.   remember Moroni 8:16 "...fear not what man can do... " he can only tarnish your name, he can't change your status with your heavenly father.  TRUST that Christ's perfect love can cast out all fear.  it can.

dis·may defined:

1. To destroy the courage or resolution of by exciting dread or apprehension.

2. To cause to lose enthusiasm; disillusion: was dismayed to learn that her favorite dancer used drugs.

3. To upset or alarm.

CHOOSE not to let someone else destroy your courage or your resolution to be courageous by exciting dread or apprehension in you.

CHOOSE  not to lose enthusiasm for the truth you have sought and know and stand for, because of something someone else told you.

CHOOSE not to become alarmed or upset enough that it makes you doubt your beliefs. 

BELIEVE God is with you. EVERYWHERE you go. So, don't be rude... talk to him!

*want to know what else i have been up to go here.

For the Love of George

 

 

  

 

I love my man's face adorned with the love of a child.

He is my favorite.

I love my niece Nora.

She loves George.

Just Trying to Keep it Real

i have some pretty amazing friends.  they live incredible lives that constantly humble me.  All of them have qualities that i admire and adore.  What sets them apart from everyone else, you ask?  Well, it is that their lives are real to me, and they ALLOW me to see the realness.  and can i just say...a girl NEEDS real friends like that!

No one wants anyone to see the lows and the heartache.  No one wants anyone to see the chaos and the mess.  No one ever wants anyone to see the faults and mistakes.  but... hello... we all have them.  Life is hard dang it!  and we need good people around us to keep us laughing, loving, and living it all to the fullest.  Don't you think?

Monica is one of those friends. 15 years and counting. She is beautiful,wise,strong and SO STINKIN FUNNY!  i miss her. oh hahahahaha...not because she is gone, but because we have such busy lives that we don't spend nearly enough time together laughing, loving, and living it up, together.  anyway,  have you ever heard something someone said and then found yourself thinking about it for days and weeks after they said it?  It just sort of distills upon you and grows in you until you realize... hey, she is SO right!

Monica told me something last year, and if i could go back to when she said it, for the first time, i would  jump up out of my seat and scream in delight, like a little child on Christmas morning.
i would tell her, how she hit the nail on the head, or that she not only diagnosed, but maybe even found the cure for, my mental/emotional disease! She will be embarrassed when she reads this.. right about now...because she will be thinking something like,"oh gosh, what did i say, and will people think i'm better than i really am, because that is just way too much pressure and i can't...i mean, i just don't need that kind of pressure. "but no worries Moni. it's not work to be wise and awesome, for you. it's just you. so relax.

anyway, she said something like that she woke up one morning (so to speak) and decided that if she was ever going to be all she wanted to be, now was the time!  it's like she was saying, so off with the shackles and on with it! it's time to get on with becoming who i want to BE darn it!

Perhaps she wont remember it quite like that, but that is exactly what i took from it and i have been mulling that chunk of discovery around in my brain now, for a year... or more. and i'm remembering a conversation with a friend in the closet at the stake center too. that went something like... this is the year, this is the year that i will become that girl i know i really am!


i realize that it is one thing to KNOW that it's time to become all that you want to be and another thing, entirely,to FEEL it. AND I have been FEELING it now for so long that i FEEL like i might BURST! my inside real person wants out. i should say, i mean if i am going to be fair to her, that occasionally she breaks out. in the last few years she has escaped a few times and run a muck only for fear to put her back in her place.(and she is usually with Wendy Jill and Shelley, when it happens.)

i will say that i am sad that i haven't had the kind of confidence all this time to be who i really am, but honestly, i am partly who i have always wanted to be. i am a mom... to some a maz zing kids.  (amazingly difficult and amazingly wonderful all in one.) i am a wife... to my one and only. i am trying... to become all that i am meant to be. so no need for pity here. Just boiling over anxiety/depression to break free of the fear and to "go confidently in the direction of my dreams" as Thoreau would say. and i heard sister Nelson speak recently too, she said that she believes "we all came to this earth with a mission. or a list of things to accomplish. and if you are not doing any of those things on that list, then there isn't enough Prozac in all of Southern CA to make a you feel better."...we all laughed but felt the stinging truth of it.

i have been listening to my kids cd from EFY these last few days, while driving/crying in the car. there is a song that has struck a cord with me and has reminded me of all that has been on my mind.  the words go something like this..."What would you say if i told you...you are what you always imagined you could be? see it?  all you need is to believe it.  (says something i can't figure out here then says) illuminating. so burn bright,  the world needs your light.  your life. "what would you say? i think i might laugh sarcastically to hide how much i secretly hope that it is true.

Here is what is being whispered to my soul... you have a work to do.  figure out what you need, to be confident, and get on with it. i need your help.  i need your testimony.  i need your life.  are you ready? and like a small child during sacrament meeting that doesn't understand how to whisper back...i say nope.  hang on.  i'm scared. or just a minute please.

Jill, my other WISE soul kind of friend said, "we need vision boards. boards that represent the vision of who we want to be." so we can look at them and be inspired.  hahahaha inspired to get out of bed?  maybe.  but inspired none the less.  right?  right.

So here is me.  my vision.  don't laugh.  i'm being confident and you wouldn't want to be responsible for chasing HER back to her place... would you?

and just to keep it real.  this is me too...