A Post

I don't even know what to say except for maybe something that a catholic might find terribly offensive like, forgive me friends for it has been 9 months since my last post. i actually don't even know how long it has been for sure without checking my last entry. i decided last night though, that i was getting back to what i knew i should be doing instead of spending so much time doing things that i know i shouldn't be doing. and btw i know i should be capitalizing the beginnings of my sentences and my i's but that doesn't count. some times i get so caught up in doing things exactly right that it makes the thing i'm doing not enjoyable anymore. so there, i'm not doing it. Besides, the monumental effort, to stretch my pinky all the way over to the shift button, i more than made up for at yoga yesterday. i was like elasti-girl... or not.

i hiked/walked 5 miles this morning. i am bowing as i say this. i am proud of myself. however, i really don't struggle with the first day of anything...or even the first week. it's when life gets crazy (which is almost always and i wonder why i can't be consistent) or i lose a little motivation that i have a tendency to not stay committed. 


i watched Kate walk through gate at school the other day, and without any warning i just teared up and cried. after checking my calendar to see if i was just pmsing i quickly came to the conclusion that nope, i sincerely ache at her growing up so fast. She was laughing with her best friend and carrying a backpack that no longer looked bigger than she is, like in years past. i quickly jumped to a self assessment, what have i done with all this "alone time." i have been on a quest to rediscover myself since all the kids were finally all in school, it's crazy to think, that was 4 years ago now. i am growing tired of my alone time not being filled with all the grandiose ideas i had years ago. dare i even admit that everything just feels like work now. i think to myself often, what shall i do today??? and actually doing nothing has been the answer for the last week or two. i honestly enjoy doing nothing. no talking is at the top of the list, no tv. no cleaning. no gym. no writing. no reading. no thinking. nothing, stare at the wall, nothing. it's amazing to me how much time i think i could do this. and... i thought that with all this time i have with quiet that i would be so much more patient when the kids got home. but not so much. i am even more annoyed with the constant banter and bickering after 3 o'clock. i even cringe a little at the sound of my own name. isn't there a medication for this kind of thing?

well, this certainly isn't the kind of post i was imagining for today but it is a post none the less... oh and here i go again with the bowing... wait, what the heck, i'll make it a curtsy this time.